Tag Archives: Divine Connection

Part two: Examining your baggage

After completing the exercise of finding the ‘connection’ with God, I was over-excited and religiously followed the routine of meeting God in this ‘secret’ place, sometimes even twice a day. It’s not easy to find enough privacy on a busy day, so sometimes I had to resort to even using the washroom as my ultimate meditation area, where I could achieve golden moments of unperturbed silence. The routine turned addictive at first, as I would get transported to another world with every rendezvous, but I happened to notice there wasn’t anything new to it. I was scared the routine would turn out to be just another fragment of my imagination. On a personal level too, I had not changed – I had the same temper tantrums at home, the same anxiety feelings if things went wrong at work, and a whole lot of spiritual dryness each time I prayed which reflected in my distractions.

Coming across my mom’s bible notes one day, I read an excerpt from her texts which said, “God is never looking for your attention, He is looking for lifelong companionship; He is not seeking a date, but a committed bride.” For all those in love, engaged or married, its easy to relate to this statement and reflect on the time when you first met your partner. I’m sure all of you at some point, after gaining the trust and confidence of your loved one, sat down to confide your secrets – could be about something in the past, a fact about the present, or your fears of the future, or simply something that you earnestly felt your partner should know in order to proceed with the relationship. I realised that the same applied to my own Divine rendezvous. In order to proceed, I needed to examine my innermost, perhaps even darkest facts, facts that not even myself, but only my sub-conscious mind was aware of.

Many of you would disagree with the above, simply because unlike your human partner who is in the process of knowing you for the first time, God has known you from the very moment of your conception. Many of you would even agree, that most of these ‘dark innermost facts’ are already the result of God’s own will for you. But here’s the real catch – unless you spell these out, (however small or gross, or silly or ugly these facts may be) you will never be able to frankly tell God that these are the areas where you need help. We find great solace in reading self-help books and spending hours seeking solutions from shrinks, who eventually come down to the same exercise that we need to do at this point – examining and coming to terms with our past. My Jesuit mentor told me once, ‘God is never interested in the number of times we have sinned, but why we sinned’.

My own history is full of hurts, misconceptions of certain events, and bad habits which I have conveniently chosen not to remember rather than sort it out. Some of my own closet skeletons are shared below:

  • I love my mom a lot, but I still have ego issues, temper tantrums, and simply refuse to get corrected by her.
  • I gossip instead of defending the victim of slander.
  • I have difficulty interacting with certain people who have affected my past, which includes my childhood best friend.
  • I am easily envious of certain people.
  • At every confession I tend to resolve never to repeat any of the above, only to find myself back with the same  list, just an altered vocabulary.

Getting myself to list these facts and many more was not a task I could achieve overnight. I was required to examine every year of my life since childhood in order to arrive at the root reason for such repetitive gestures. Its only when God sees that you are making conscious efforts to eradicate these ‘bad roots’, will He provide you further insight into your history. Is your irritability due to something that you are not happy about? or haven’t achieved? Do you gossip out of fear of rejection or insecurity? Are you withholding an event in your childhood, which according to you should not have happened? or where you felt you were unjustly corrected or treated? Are you envious because you fail to accept how some people are so blessed even though you seemed to have made more sacrifices and honest dealings than them? or have you repeatedly reminded yourself that you have forgiven a person’s wrong deed but the event still seems to disturb you? Have you been part of a crime due to total helplessness or just to imitate someone else?

I noticed that each time I was unravelling a secret or bad habit I thought I had forgotten about, I felt God reminded me more of the event in detail. The exercise was indeed very therapeutic, and at the end I felt so light – like a great deal of excess baggage suddenly been lifted off! Some of my bad habits could not be shaken off at once simply because it had become a part of my being; that’s when God loves it when you acknowledge it to Him, and that without His help, He cannot work through you. I now understood what He meant when He promised “My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness” (2 Cor 12:9).

After this exercise I assure you, you will find your perceptions more clearer, your bad habits eradicated (you eradicated the root causes after all), your temper controlled and the upcoming Divine journey more exciting to look forward to!


Part One: The Search

Are you someone who has everything perfect around you..a perfect home, a sustainable career, a family, but yet you seem to feel incomplete? Do you seem to be one of those organised persons who plans the entire day, week, year and seem to have achieved all tasks from time to time, but you still feel restless during leisure? If you fall under any of the above, then like myself, your mind and heart is searching….

A famous saint once said, “The heart cannot rest until it finds its rest in God”:

I often thought it silly when Jesus’ desciples ask Him how to pray..something they have been doing for years to the same God. So why should it be any different? But now I understood. One of my favorite Jesuit priests once asked me “What is (and not who is) God to you?”

  • If God is someone you pray to in times of a financial or employment crisis – its not God, its a magic bank / recruitment agent..
  • If God is someone you remember when you are depressed – its not God, its a magic shrink..
  • If God is someone you run to because someone misbehaved with you and you need to teach that person a lesson – its not God, its a magic super judge
  • If God is someone you intercede to heal you when you are struck with an ailment – that’s a magic doctor

If you look closely at all of the above cases, we tend to see God as our ultimate miracle worker. Ofcourse, He’s the Father of all miracles, but that’s a one sided view. There’s something more to this than God just being a wonder-maker. This was one of the major doctrines that Jesus came to correct.

I’ll ask a few more questions:

  • If you were told after many years by the parents who raised you that you were adopted, and that your birth mother was still alive, what would you do? Most of us, even if we wouldnt want the real parent back in our life would definitely go out to find who they were..
  • Why do you fall in love with a person?
  • Why are you close to one particular friend, from the rest of your buddies?

In all of the above, there is one common answer. We seek – the connection. It was this connection that Jesus restored in the prayer when He said to address God as “Our Father”. It is the same connection with which God spent beautiful moments with Adam and Eve – His creations in Eden. When we realise this, God will no longer be an ATM machine to us, but Someone whom we have a real bond.

Do you want to know how to experience this connection today? You will need a quite private place. Private because you need to be comfortable in the position you are in, without feeling awkward or self conscious if someone else sees you, similarly to avoid all distractions and disturbances…Close your eyes and take a deep breath. Let your imaginations take you to a mystical and beautiful place in nature where God is waiting. Let your heart remind you that God is happy to see you, irrespective what you did or didn’t do today. Hear God tell you “I am connected to you, the breath you breathe is My very own”

Pollock of Light

Twitter: @lluisbusse


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